Am I in the wrong here? (concerning abuse)?

For nearly 17 years (my whole life), my mother and I have not exactly "seen eye to eye." Maybe that's downplaying it just a tad, but I just want to get the facts out there. From the age of either 4 or 5, until I was 12 (although there were a couple of incidents when I was 13), I used to be physically abused by my mother. Not ed. Actually beaten with a leather belt, including the leather strap attached to said belt. I have to give her some credit; she would hit me in a blind rage, yet still make sure the marks wouldn't show anywhere suspious (face, lower arm, etc.) Until I was 11 1/2, my mother, father, and I lived in the Bronx, so I know that the threat of a or a getting whacked with a slipper or some other item is completely normal, but I now realize what she did to me was not used to teach me a lesson or discipline me for doing something wrong, but to satisfy her own sadistic needs. keep in mind that when I was 12 she was diagnosed with colon cancer, and maybe the medications and her own preexisting "mental problems," for lack of a better word, made her even more of a wretch, but, in the time span of 3 years or so (foward to age 15), the physical abuse slowly declined, but the emotional and mental abuse only increased. I do know that I'm not a saint; last year I may have misbehaved in school for about 6 months, but I have always maintained good grades, and, luckily, I think I can be a good friend, good person, and have not inherited most of my mother's violent and selfish traits. Sometimes I do catch myself beginning to act like my mother, and I despise myself for it. I now many of you may think I am a terrible person for this, but lately, this summer, I've been hoping that she dis soon, so my father and I can begin to live again. She locks me in the house, forbids me to leave, scaring me with her daily death threats. The previous week, I accidently dropped a piece of hard boiled egg on the kitchen floor. I promptly picked it up in 3 seconds flat, and already disposed of it in the garbage when she started crying, and yelling hysterically. As much as I am loath to admit it, I am not exaggerating. Back to age 15 incident. Long story short, a knife pinned against my throat; her nails diiging into my scalp, my head banging against the hard wood floor of my bedroom repeatedly. My offense? Suspension from a school that I transferred out of. (I am ow at a school that I attended freshman year, last 4 months of grade 10, and will be entering junior year tomorrow; my record is clean, I am a model student, etc.) Why I got suspended? "Insubordiantion." For wearing a hat in school, and for writing an editiorial thatg basically slammed the administration into the mud. So much for freedom of the press. My father and I, however, get along fairly well. He dislikes mum as much as I do, but says a divorce while she is so sick will only increase his guilt. Well, she is obviously not so sick to make my self esteem decline greatly. One of my best friends suggests therapy, but I must decline. No time. And if she ever found out I was thinking of the idea, she would be sure to come into my face screaming and threatening me about how "good I have it," and how "she'll sow me what she can do to be just how bad my delusional mind believes her to be." Of course, she doesn't speak nearly as intelligently as above. Her snarls are nearly animalistic, some days. So please, kind people of yahoo answers! Tell me what I must do until a) nature takes its course with her, or b)until I can attend university. All answers, epecially detailed ones, will be appreciated!